A personal breakthrough

I know I haven't blogged in forever. I'm back at university now, and started a new job so just been settling in. Plus my notebook that I normally blog from became realllyy slow, so just today I received a shiny new laptop, Alhamdulillah, so blogging should resume as normal God willing. I'm also Politics editor of our student newspaper, so I'm busy writing and editing for that. Once we have content up online, I'll notify you all of the link.

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Anway- this post. Today I did something I haven't done for over a decade.

I wore denim

I wore jeans

Jeans on my legs!!

You might wear jeans every day. But for me, this is a personal breakthrough, because I haven't worn jeans in over ten years.

Why? When I was about eight, my Mum banned me from wearing jeans as I kept putting on weight. She said if I continued putting on weight she'd ban me, and she did. I was really upset but being a kid, there was nothing I could do.

Growing up, I looked at the jeans in department stores longingly, begging my Mum to let me show her they'd look alright on me. But it was no use.

So for more than ten years, almost twelve years (I think) I haven't felt denim on my legs. I've worn black trousers or skirts instead. Which is fine. But part of me always longed for denim.

Some of you may know that last year, I began my weight loss journey. I've lost almost 2 stone so far and have dropped a dress size. Two weeks ago, I decide to bite the bullet, and try on some jeans. I tried some on in Primark but none of them were any good and I became a little disheartened. A few days later, I tried another store and tried on almost every style of jeans. I bought a pair of boyfriend jeans from Peacocks as they seemed to fit quite well.

I was so apprehensive about telling my Mum I'd bought the jeans. I almost didn't want to. She was so shocked at why I'd wanted to wear them. I explained to her and showed her that they did not make me look "fat". My Mum thinks that jeans don't suit overweight people as it makes them look fatter. I don't get her logic. Anyway, she said they looked ok but wasn't exactly like "yeahh they look nice!" Anyway, I asked her to adjust them for me as they were too long.

And today, I decided to finally wear them. I can't really explain to you how I felt.

I felt free.
I felt liberated.
I felt normal.

I kept looking at people's legs to see what they were wearing, and almost 90% or more were wearing jeans. I didn't mind wearing trousers but I felt they are too smart; jeans are more casual. My new jeans are a reminder of the weight I've lost, as a celebratory reminder, and also remind me of the journey I still have ahead of me. I'm proud of myself for getting this far, and this achievement should encourage me to continue to lose weight.

On a different note, I never expected that jeans would keep you so warm!

My new weight loss blog: Overcoming Obstacles

I set up a new blog, dedicated to sharing how my weight loss is going. I've been actively attempting to lose weight now since October 2010, I joined a local gym and have been going ever since. It's been going great, despite being the only hijabi at my gym! I decided to set up a different blog so that I can dedicate my posts on the other blog to weight loss, and this one can be about the other gibberish that consumes my life. So please, follow me on there too :) I will love you forever

 

Click here to go to it

Shukriya :)

Man, I feel like a woman!

So, as promised, today I'm tackling the issue of femininity, and what it means for me. Growing up, especially in my teenage years, I didn't feel feminine at all. When I was younger, I opted for cars instead of barbie dolls. The choices I made and my overall attitude and appearance would even induce the word "tomboy". My Dad even nicknamed me "his little lad". I didn't seem to be hard-wired in the same way as all the other girls were.

((Of course, now, I realise that was partly due to the fact that I hadn't been diagnosed, and thyroid hormones interact with female/male sex hormones in the body, so I may have had some sort of chemical imbalance. I've recently had my sex hormones tested, and all is fine Alhamdulillah.))

But, even now, post diagnosis, at 19, I don't feel fully feminine. I might wear make-up now, I might have pretty dresses, but does that make me feminine? And this got me thinking, surely how feminine we feel as individual women must only lie with our own perceptions of what the word feminine means to us. The major thing that has been fairly constant throughout my life is my weight. I've always been "overweight." And many overweight women in society tend to feel, dress and therefore portray themselves as "less feminine" than other women.

Is this woman:

 less or more feminine than this one?

The point Im trying to reiterate, is the fact that it's all down to our own perceptions. Myself included, and many other overweight women are putting themselves down as we don't look like the magazines, we're not the right height or weight, we're not thin and elegant etc.. the list is exhausting.

Back to the femininity issue, it's hard being overweight and feeling feminine at all. You tend to feel clumsy and frumpy, quite the oposite of elegant and graceful. One thing we should remember is that the magazines are highly airbrushed and edited, and none of the bodies printed on their glossy pages are actually achievable (since they're computer edited images.)

Another reason I don't feel feminine is due to my feet. I have pretty wide feet, and I'm off the scale with a width measurement of F. I also have to wear insoles in my shoes, as I have flat feet. This restricts my footwear choice massively, due to the insoles Im only supposed to wear lacey shoes. And my choice of shoes for 3+ years now have been trainers. Im not even allowed canvas pumps. So you can imagine me walking down the street with a dress and trainers on. Most days I dont mind, in fact I don't care, but I realise it's having a massive impact on how "feminine" I feel. I don't wear skirts anymore due to the fact that I think trainers and skirt just look completely wrong. I'm still on the hunt for a good pair of wide fit shoes, and if Im lucky, boots. Most companies I've come across assume that the wider your foot the bigger it must be. In my case, my feet are tiny but wide. Therefore, my UK size is 3.5 F.

It's amazing how shoes can massively impact on your femininity and overall self-esteem. This is the last point I want to make. Since we've established femininity and overall "perfection" is something percieved by ourselves, why are we so quick to look in the mirror and point out our imperfections?

We're in control of our own lives, our own self-esteem, our feelings & emotions, as we create the perceptions we have of ourselves. InshaAllah I'm almost there myself, but it's time we looked in the mirror with confidence, with acceptance of who we are, and uttered the words "I am who I am." We are the ones who have the power to change ourselves, whether it be lose weight, whether it be work on our character, our skills, but first, we must accept ourselves for who we really are.

** I do realise this post digressed much from the inital topic, but I felt that everything I said was interrelated to femininity. Here are some songs that spring to mind: 

Fit Muslimah

I just came across her facebook page via productive muslim. She has some interesting health and fitness tips, particularly for during Ramadan so I thought I'd share them:

Ramadan Fit Fasting Tip: The body only has the ability to absorb and use 8-10 ounces of water every 20 minutes. Don't drink a gallon at Sahur or Iftar. Keep a water bottle with you when you go to Tawarih and drink throughout the night. You body will absorb more water instead of just filtering it through.

She also has this great post:

5 Ways to Avoid Ramadan Weight Gain

Ramadan is a time in which we rejuvenate ourselves spiritually. The fast is a form of ibada that we do solely for the sake of Allah, seeking only his rewards and his pleasure. We must keep our intentions pure for this sake and this sake alone. We read articles on the physical benefits of fasting and we talk long winded about our “need” to fast for physical restoration. But the fast of Ramadan is not intended for this purpose. It is essential that we maintain its intent and purpose for indeed the Messenger of Allah (saw) said “he who fast with the intentions of pleasing Allah his reward is with his lord”.
However on the practical side of fasting, every year we deviate from the sunnah and we suffer physically. It’s often manifestation is weight gain, which then leads to tiredness which prevents us from staying awake for our late night ibada and thus the physical harm effects us spiritually and it comes full circle. Our intentions are not to make the fast a month of dieting but minimally make it a month in which we do not worsen our physical condition. The following are some practical tips on how to avoid the “notorious” Ramadan weight gain that many Muslim suffer from.


1. Eat protein in the morning

 
Breakfast is still the most important meal of the day. So much so that it is a Sunna. When eating zahur resist the erg to try to make up for the food you will be missing during the day. We are not whales, thus we do not have an extra stomach to hold food for later. Don’t eat a stack of pancakes thinking if you eat 5 instead of your normal 3 you will be satisfied longer. Calories from carbohydrates (i.e. pancakes, grits, waffles, toast etc) are burned much faster than protein. Even though hunger during some part of the day is inevitable with fasting 13 hours days, you can delay when the hunger kicks in by having a healthy portion of protein with your zahur. Having eggs with your pancakes or waffles, turkey bacon with your grits or a protein shake with your oatmeal will have much more longevity in your system than a pure carbohydrate meal.

2. Drink plenty of water when you break your fast

It is very easy to become dehydrated and not drink enough water during Ramadan. We spend most of our alert hours not drinking anything. When the Messenger of Allah (saw) could not find dates to break fast with he would break fast with water. Water is an essential part of a healthy diet even when you are fasting. Dehydration is often misinterpreted as hunger. When we are dehydrated when we break fast, then we have the hunger of the fast on top of the mistaken hunger of being dehydrated. Break your fast then drink 2 large glasses of water before you eat your iftar meal. Eat slowly, consciously and with intent to eat for nourishment not to satisfy your hunger and cravings.

3. Eat consciously

 
One of the joys of a fasting person is mentioned in the hadith when Allah says in hadith kudsi that a fasting person will have two joys, one when he breaks his fast and one when he meets his lord. There is very little that compares to having fasted all day then sitting in front of a nice spread with every dish you had been fantasizing about, everything from your favorite roasted lamb to cake and cookies. However there is very little that can compare to the amount of self control we must have when faced with such a feast of the eyes and the palette. We must remember that we are hungry because we are Muslims and as Muslims we much keep the Sunnah in mind and in actions. Remember the advice of the Prophet (saw) was a one-third rule. One-third food, one-third drink and one-third air. When we sit and eat to our full at iftar we violate the sunnah and we violate our bodies. The Messenger of Allah (saw) said: “A Muslim should never loosen his waist wrapper due to over eating”. Ramadan is a time in which we are trained in self control. This self control and discipline is not limited to the day. This training during the day extends to all parts of our lives and our behavior. And there is no better time to show the benefit of this training then sitting down to an iftar spread and NOT eating everything in sight,.


4. Limit sweets

Sweets are the indulgence of just about every culture during Ramadan. From the special Moroccan halwa, to African American cross cultural pies and cakes. Ramadan is the month that even the “cooking handicapped” practice their skills. We all have a tendency to justify the extra calories with the fact that we fasted most of the day. But the fact remains that it doesn’t matter if you consume the calories through out the day or all at iftar. A calorie is still a calorie and too many still adds up to stored fat. Okay it’s unrealistic to say do not eat any sweets. In fact it’s okay to enjoy the sweetness of your Muslim sister’s cooking. But have a piece of cake AFTER you have eaten a balanced meal, drunk a large glass of water and prayed Magrib to give your digestive system time to settle and register the food you have eaten. If you still crave the sweets have a small serving then leave the rest for someone else to enjoy. Drinking the water will help fill your stomach and leave less room for over indulgence in sweets. And waiting after salat allows for the 15 to 20 minutes it takes for your stomach to communicate its fullness to your brain.


5. Avoid late night snacking

 
When we are up late night doing ibada we tend to take detours through the kitchen to “taste” all the things we won’t be able to have during the day. Leave the night for ibada and you will benefit much more. But if you happen to leave your Qur’an in the kitchen and must go in there to get it, then grab a small potion of protein rich food instead of the extra piece of cake. Eating carbohydrate and sugar rich foods late at night increases the chance of those carbohydrates being stored as fat. Eating a “small” portion of protein will balance your insulin and leave you feeling fuller longer.

I hope inshallah you find benefit from the above and have a successful Ramadan :) 

Green Tea & such...

I have three weeks off from uni, so I've finally got a chance to sort out my crappy reliant on fast and cheap food diet. I used to eat quite healthily at the start of uni, but this is what the student life has done to me!

Thankfully, I haven't gained any weight, I've remained constant or even lost a few pouds miraculously enough. I also want to use these weeks to do more exercise. Last week, I had a sudden urge to go walking or running or jogging just to let off some steam. Regardless of how quickly I will lose the weight, I feel really motivated to properly attempt to lose weight. No fad diets, no tricks, no lipo (LOL) .... just the plain & simple way of a good diet and plenty of exercise.

As of Monday, I've made a few small changes to my diet. I bought some apples, pears and bananas (my three fave and easy to eat fruits) and have been eating them. I've been eating salad (cucumber and tomatoes yumm) with everything I can. I've been having breakfast again. During term time, I would wake up to give myself just enough time to get dressed and run to lecutre: never mind breakfast. But it's true what they say that breakfast IS the most important meal of the day. So now I'm eating Shreddies (double yum) with an apple or banana for breakfast. I've substituted wholemeal pitta breads instead of normal bread and have been shoving salad in them or eating them with Houmous. I haven't bought any freezer food apart from fish fingers which is good.

Green tea!

When I told one of my flatmates about my hypothyroidism, she recommended green tea as it speeds up metabolism. She made me a cup and put some honey in it. It tasted kinda.. yuk. A bit like cardboard!! Lol. But I was willing to give it a go and try it out, cos it might work. I'm not really a tea/coffee kind of person, I'm not into Caffeine to be honest. So I went to Tesco and bought some green tea of my own, this is what it looks like:

FRONT

BACK

It was quite good value for money, but as I said, it doesn't taste of much. I think I'll have a cup now :) 

I googled it, and the jury is still out as to whether or not it has any proven benefits. But it contains antioxidants so lowers the chance of you getting Cancer, decreases cardiovascular disease, and Cholesterol. So far, I haven't read anything about it speeding up metabolism. It originated from China.

Exercise

Today I went with my flatmate to a park for a walk. The park was gorgeous, it was so scenic subhanallah. I didn't have my camera with me so couldn't take any pics, but it was just WOW. We walked around for like 45 minutes, although we were both so tired (late night doing work) but it was quite a good walk. We plan to go there again tomorrow and jog or run. I feel so tired now because it's the first time in ages I've had a proper walk. I want to go there at least three times a week in order to lose some weight. I think it's gonna be an early night for me tonight!

Overall, I'm feeling really positive about these small changes. I feel better already with the changes I have made to my diet and I know that it will take a while before I notice any real physical changes, but I'm willing and ready to give it a good go. I hope that when I return to uni in two and a half weeks that I can keep these changes up. My biggest fear is relapsing back to my old ways.