Wednesday, 3 February 2010


Ok, so I have so much work to do and I am tired and I need a shower but for some reason I keep feeling like blogging!!! So I'm gonna post this poem I wrote and then ban myself from blogging for a few hours!!!!

I wrote it last week, Friday. I really have this urge to know more about Autoimmunity. In sixth form, we did a lot about immunity, but nothing on autoimmunity. Inshallah it's my mission to do more research on it and get some books out, because I really need to know, in deep biological detail WHY I didn't recognise my thyroid gland to be my own- because it was! So hopefully I'll do that soon and keep you posted with my findings!

In the meantime, here is my poem. BTW the thyroid gland has been said to have a butterfly shape, so my references to butterfly is just another word for my thyroid.

I killed my own butterfly because I thought it didn't belong to me.
It's wings used to flutter. It used to be so .... beautiful.

Until I murdered it. By accident. I thought it was an invader, a foreigner, a threat.
So I brought out my army, my best defences, to destroy the invader.

A war was fought. And I won. I killed every last atom of my buttefly.
I had won. For now.

Why did I kill my own butterfly?
I did not realise that we only get one butterfly in our lifetimes.

I thought it would try to harm me, yet I couldn't see it's glorious beauty.
I didn't appreciate it's beauty, or the sacrifices it made for me.

I'm so very sorry for killing you, my beautiful monarch buttefly.
I hope that you can forgive me, I made a terrible mistake. I wish that there was a way for me to get you back, but I know that will never be possible.

I miss you so much, and I am so very sorry.
I cannot seem to understand why I did what I did.
Even though I destroyed you, I can see your soul through my throat.

You were once so... elegant, graceful, dainty- just beautiful.
You were glowing, happy and radiant.
And you made me happy too.

After what I did to you, you changed a lot.
And I can hardly blame you.

Looking at you know, you are grey, you are sad and withering away.
You whimper for help but no-one answers your cries.
You have suffered a terrible injustice and can't understand why.

I know that what I did was wrong, but I accept that I cannot undo the damange.
I cannot get you back, nor can I replace you.
So I must eat something every morning to remind my body of what you produced
To tell my brain to stop going into overdrive

In your memory, I must tell others about our story.
Something from my self-destructive computer told me to kill you
Something I need to find out more about

Until then, I cannot rest
I have committed something truly unforgivable
I need the answers
I need the last piece of the jigsaw
A way out of this endless enigma
The solution

Once I have found that out, I may be able to lay your body to rest
I should have the answers
Only then can you find it in your heart to forgive me

Until then, I cannot apologise enough.

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