Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Angry and frustrated

I found out on Friday that my most recent blood test showed that my TSH is suppressed and I have too much free T4. Basically I'm now HYPER-thyroid. Too much thyroxine.
Except, this time it wasn't the Doctor who told me to increase my dose. The blood test before this one showed that my levels were OK- but they could be improved slightly. I was indecisive at first, but, decided to take the risk because I *could* feel better, so I decided to increase my dose (from 125 mcg to 150).

I thought I felt better, but in hindsight, all the signs were there. It was too much. I put it down to uni stress, and the fact that I had a lot on, but at so many points in Nov/Dec I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I'm frustrated because I now have to alternate between 125 and 150 every day for two months. I hate alternating, as you feel so up and down and just all over the place. I blame myself because I made the decision to increase my dose, selfishly, just to see if I could feel better, and I ended up swinging from OK to Hyper.

I'm angry that I keep getting it wrong and I either swing too low or too high. There's only a couple (at most) of months in the year where my levels are "normal". I'm angry because I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. It would help if I began to recognise the signs of when my thyroid isn't right quicker. I've had this for almost four years now and I still can't get it right. I can normally recognise if I'm hypo but I'm not that familiar with the hyper symptoms.

I'm angry because this could continue to scupper my chances of academic success and getting a first-class degree. I was so angry to the point where, after receiving the news, I really wanted to punch somebody in the face while I was waiting at the bus stop to get home. And I'm not a violent person.

What can I do now other than alternate my doses as the GP suggested, and wait till the blood test in March? I just have to keep plodding along and try to get myself through this- because nobody else will do it for me.

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