Saturday, 9 October 2010

Wedding dilemmas

Tricky situation. Someone invites you to a wedding. Normally, I'd jump at the chance. But not this time. It's different in many ways, but mainly because the people who invited us are a vague family friend. I mean, they've never even been to our house for dinner. They just know my Mum's family and lived two doors away from us in the house we used to live in when we were little. We have moved since then, and they've not visited us. We even had a baby. They didn't come to see him.

Do you get the dilemma? My personal new motto is to not bother with people who don't bother with me. From experience, I've learnt it's not worth the effort and energy if it's not reciprocated. We never even thought we'd actually get the wedding invite. Even though we moved, my Dad still kept the old house and sometimes rents it out. He goes there often to check for post etc. He (by chance) saw this "family friend" (the Dad) who told him that his daughter was getting married and he'll be inviting us. A lot of the time, when people bump into you unexpectedly, they just say things for the sake of it. So none of us actually expected to receive the invite.

But, two days ago, the bride-to-be's Mother phoned for our new address. And on the same day, the bride-to-be's Sisters drove by to give us the invite. Which was pretty shocking. But we got the invite anyway. So, naturally, my Mum got all excited but starting having a panic attack about who would wear what. I told her that I didn't really want to go.

Later on, at dinner, my Mum blurted out "these two (me & my Big Sister) aren't going to the wedding" to my Dad. He scolded us and told us that the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said that whenever somebody invites you to something, you should accept their invite and go. I never knew that. But still, I didn't want to go.

My Mum said, "just go for the free food! And plus, they've done a head count already that all of us are going to be there. You can't not go! " But I really do not want to go. Partly it's through laziness. Partly because weddings are so boring, you just go, watch the bride walk in to her choice of song. Everyone sits down, and eats and then talks to friends. Then they all depart. We've been invited to the Mendhi as well, but it's on a thursday night and I have uni the next day at 10 am! Plus my Mum tends to get really stressed about "getting out of the house" as we're all "too slow" for her liking. Most likely reluctant, not slow. Most might enjoy "dressing up" but I really hate making an effort and wearing sparkly traditional dress, and making my make-up not look too overdone/pasty and wearing stillettoes. All this just for a "family friend." Is it worth it?

Plus is it just me or does anyone else get judging vibes at weddings? What I mean is all the girls stare at each other and proper look at what they're wearing, and if it's "islamic" enough, and if they're make-up's good etc... Part of this is paranoia. And I myself am guilty of doing this, mostly without realising. But it does happen.

The only thing that's swaying me towards possibly going is the "free food"- it is Nawaab after all. I'm still unsure of whether or not to go. I'll most probably get dragged along anyway. *sigh*. At least the invites are pretty.


Muslim Girl said...

Oh you're totally right about the judging vibe thing at weddings. I think girls just have this tendency to judge other girls and compare to see who looks better / proper / what not. It's unnecessary but it's true, almost all of us are guilty for it without even realizing!

Under Urooba's Umbrella! said...

I can totally relate to this situation (read: BORING, BORING, family "parties")

Go because free food IS.SO.WORTH.IT.SOMETIMES. :D

itscomplicated said...

Just go. Don't worry about what people think, don't worry about them not being a big part of your life. Just go, enjoy yourself and eat them out of the hall!

Anya said...

I'd go.

I dont know if your married or not but if you are then you know that your wedding is one of the most important days of your life. Sometimes its very comforting to the bride to see people, even people she wasn't close to, show up. I know for my own wedding I invited tons of ppl I never see. Just because it was my day of happiness and i wanted to share it with as many ppl as possible. Seeing all of them show up really made me cry hard too! I didn't think half of them would come. It was just so special to feel half cared about even though i know a lot of them were only coming for the 'food' LOL

So if you dont want to go for free food then just go to show support. A wedding is different than anything else, if it was her birthday party or baby shower I'd say skip. I think Weddings and Funerals are never to be skipped. Just my opinion from personal experience.

love and let us know wat u do!!

hijabi hippie hypo said...

@Muslim Girl- so true

@Urooba- lol that's the only thing that may persuade me to go

@itscomplicated- thanks for the advice

@Anya- no, I'm not married. You're right, I never actually thought of it from the bride's perspective.

I probably will end up going now!